frustration

So.. I know cancer effects more than just the patient. It has fingers, or maybe better tentacles that go out and grab people who are in contact with the person with the cancer. This really sucks.
When you have cancer and you're still in treatment... it's very hard to communicate your status to other people.
I want to honest and I am honest... but I find that honesty makes people upset....
I'm a people pleaser... no doubt some of you know what that means... I don't like to disappoint or disrupt other peoples lives for any reason.. especially not my problems.... so... I'm honest but I have the heaviest guilt anyone could possibly imagine from doing so.
I would love to live in "lie" country and tell everyone everything is just fantastic.... but I have vowed honesty and will live up to that vow..no matter how hard it is sometimes.
I have to deliver unpleasant news sometimes.. it's causes people pain and worry... I HATE that... I'm a people pleaser and this gives me so much grief and guild... but I must translate my diagnostic information to my family and those that love me and know me... because I have a vow not to keep secrets. I will keep my vow.
I hope, the people, my family and friends will honor me with the same dignity and express their challenges with my diagnostic information and not refrain from speaking to me about their feelings because they thing it will be troublesome to me.
Every thing about this disease is troubling, but it's more troubling to think people are with holding their feelings and becoming depressed and upset because of my illness.
I don't intend to die soon.... I'm willing to fight this awful disease as long as I can....so far set backs have been minor.
I have no doubt that this cancer will kill me if there's no new treatment in the near future, but I have no date, no time and I have no feeling that this is going to happen in the near future.... I will fight till I'm advised there is no further reason to fight.
If you read this and you are my family or friend and you have fears you feel uncomfortable discussing with me.... step up... we need to talk, to discuss and open up our feelings. That is that only thing that will get us through this awful sucky despicable disease. I want us all to be as healthy as possible despite this diagnosis. I want to live as normal a life as possible during this treatment and during my time on this earth.....
Peace,
Jeanne