Oh Well

Happy Halloween.
This year I'm dressing up as someone without cancer.
Actually, I don't have to dress up at all. Everyone tells me I look fantastic.... who'd know I had ovarian cancer.
Still on chemo-lite, which is a good thing I suppose... retiring soon.. should be a nice thing, but I worry... what if it's not a good thing. What if I go crazy with boredom and start obsessing on my disease like so many other people I've met.
I'm trying to be prepared, working as a volunteer at the Maureen Fund, volunteering at Gilda's club... several people have suggested other volunteerism that I think about. Kaleidoscope of Hope sounds great. A really radical group of Ovarian Cancer survivors, I have to check them out.
Today, I tried, as usual to be a partner to my husband as we work on remodeling our kitchen. It was simple stuff. Moistening the walls and removing a thin paper and glue from previous wall paper. Well, after about 1 hour, my left kidney stent went spazoid.. had to take some ultram and then sit for the rest of the afternoon. I'm a strong woman, always been able to lift, pull, drag, work right along side my dear husband.... this is hard for me... to watch my abilities slowly go away.
I hope I have to strength to stay focused after I retire to stay in a good place with plans and schedules that I don't blow off. It's soooo easy to get depressed and just sleep... that's my favorite thing to do. Sleep and dream... a lovely place to be.....sometimes I don't want to get up and face the reality that is my life.
Oh well, as Gilda Radner would say in her persona of Rosanne Rosannadanna, "it's always something." This is my life, whether I like it or not... I gotta keep the ball rolling in my favor....
Peace.