It's been a long time

Well, haven't felt the need to do much writing lately.... on chemo holiday... so many good things to do. Eat sushi, get tattoos, eat raw oysters and clams... so good. But all things must come to an end and my chemo holiday ended with a big bang.
Torn medial meniscus
Dented cartilage
kidney failures
New spots on my pet scan
High cancer markers
so again.. cancer What The Fuck.
So, need to get the knee fixed since I walk like a 90 year old.
Can't do that because the kidneys are really acting up and not filtering correctly.
So, need more chemo, but have to be really cautious because of the kidney issues.
2 weeks ago, I had stents placed into both my kidneys... I was zoinked from general anesthesia for a week, now feel like I have a constant bladder infection, that seems to be improving slightly at this point.
I'm on a daily dose of cytoxan now and avastin every 2 weeks.... hopefully that will do something to this cancer.... at least keep it in check. But unfortunately, along with that comes the fatigue and listlessness.
I suppose in the long run, I'm lucky. I still have options, even if they're not the ones I want.
I could have ended up with nephrostomy tubes, that's when they bring the tubes from your kidneys out of your back... really an unappealing thing for me.
Hopefully, the stents will do their job, my kidneys will improve, believe it or not, the cancer drug cytoxan has had a + effect on my knee??? Go figure.
Now's the time to work on the attitude and keep it up... it's not that easy at this point, but I try and think of the + things in my life each morning before rising. That helps me to remain focused on the good things rather than the crap.
This weekend was Jo's daughter's wedding. It was a beautiful event with lots of love and joy all around...had a bit of a hangover, but just like my cousin Mark taught me, you have to honor the hangover, laugh through it.... remember how you got it and just smile and laugh through your stupid moments......
On to happier days ahead, with better control of my health. I'm hoping to take a medical retirement in December, 2010. Maybe then I can do some things that will make my soul feel good along with my body.
Peace.

it's been a long time

So, I was on haliday from chemo for 8 months.... happy months... didnt' write a thing I dont' think... now here I am again.... CA125 102, not good. Kidneys acting all fucked up.... now have stents that are causing me PAIN....... routine meds do nto help the pain if you get my drift..... I"m at a sad place in my treatment. The docs say the stents and pain are individualized in how long the pain can last. HAVE ANY OF YOU HAD A BAD BLADDER INFECTION??? This is like one that won't go away.... total bummer.
They gave my pyridium and Levaquin.... neither helped the pain... I forced fluids, still pain, just when you finishing peeing, like a novice at sexual adventure... it feels like the worst honeymoon cystitis I have ever experienced or any bladder infection for that mater... somebody help me please..... I can only hope this last less time from when i have to have them replaced in 2 to 3 months.... This sucks.
Jeanne